Plans and Pleas

Life is slightly crazy right now.

My husband and I are suddenly faced with no direction, no purpose, and no job. Our plans have failed, drastically. We believe that God is faithful, but I'm not going to lie: it's hard. Lamentations 3:21-24 hard.

Go read those verses. I'll wait here until you've finished reading them. Go!

I know that God has a plan, that He is faithful, and that He works all things to the good of them who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

But.

We're stressed beyond measure, hurting because of other things going on in life, and pouring out our hearts before Him right now.

That verse in Psalms about feeling like your bones are being crushed? Yeah...we're there.

So prayers would be appreciated. Very much appreciated.

Thank. You.

Five-Minute Friday: Older

She has light brown hair that's slowly getting fuller, though it's still thin. Every now and then, in the sunshine, you can see streaks of red, promises of a fiery spirit.

She has two teeth now...two! Just a month ago, she had none.

She looks over at strangers in the restaurants and gabs at them until they notice her, and her biggest smiles come when she's entertaining someone. She loves dancing with her Daddy and me, too. Music is still her favorite.

She's eating toddler snacks and raw fruits and veggies. She loves toast strips and hates naps. She's always on the move, and she's getting faster every day!

No, she isn't my baby anymore, but I don't want her to be. She's growing into her personality, and I love watching her blossom.

Older, yes. Sweeter, of course! More of a diva? You bet! And I'm loving every. single. minute. of it all! Well, except for when she fights her naps. ;)

Linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday again! Join in on the fun! :)

Mommy Needs a Caffeine IV...

These days, it's sometimes all I can do to keep going. For realz.

I wonder if coffee could cure this exhaustion.

Yeah, it's that bad.

My husband finally has a good job that gives him awesome hours. Well, mostly awesome. Because in reality, it's an all-the-time gig. Radio station manager. Take that, Walmart!

He's pretty much always going, and since it's his job to get the station to a self-sustaining point, he's been stressed to the max for the past two weeks. Oh, and the commute it 3-4 hours away. Woot. Thankfully it's one he makes only once a week, but that also means that he's gone for 4+ days at a time.

I've been going with him, for obvious reasons. I mean, really, if I have the ability, I'm gonna stick with him!

Of course, Abby has been having "fun" while traveling. Ugh...and she's teething.

This adds up to tired daddy, tired baby, tired mommy...and a ransacked house that really needs cleaning. Especially since we're only here for a couple of days at a time anyway.

Which brings me to my point...


Anyone want to some over and help? Please?? 

Five-Minute Friday: Beauty

Such a timely topic! I have to say that these short posts are the highlight of my week. Just writing bits of my heart and learning how to say exactly what I mean the first time...it's both relaxing and therapeutic! :)

Again, in case you're new, Lisa-Jo has offered us bloggy folks the freedom of just writing, whether it sounds just right or not. Interested in writing your own FMF post? Check out The Gypsy Mama for more info!

Start!

There is beauty in the everyday, the routine, the set times and set activities. There is a simplistic, restful way about rhythms and predictability.

There is also beauty in the tragic, the times in life where our muscles are pulled from our bones and life hurts. So deep, so painful, and we wonder if there will ever be beauty again.

Times when this world takes its toll, times when life seems unbearable. When the hard, dark questions rise and the soul longs to know if there truly is beauty or if it's all just a facade.

I know so many people right now where their lives seem so dark, ugly, and beauty sounds like a myth. But this is the lie that we have heard and believed for so long. Just a lie.

Tomorrow shows what today truly held, and in the midst of suffering, torment, hurt, and anguish, the soul is made pure, beautiful, and whole. The refiner's fire hurts, burns, and seems to steal away the beauty, but in reality the impurities are being scraped away and what is left is more beautiful than anyone could have ever imagined.

Photo Credit: http://nashikchandi.com/images/SilverMaking.jpg

Stop! 

Let me leave you with this thought: no matter where your life seems to be right now, beautiful or ugly, remember that God is faithful, and He is always making us into His Son's beautiful image.

Carried

She's quiet and content while I wrangle up some laundry. While I spray liquid allergy relief on sofas and pillows and beds and carpet. I sense her drifting off, her body slowly relaxing while I stay busy. Then I realize her head is down, her body quietly inhaling and exhaling. I grab some soup, some nourishment, and sit down for just a bit.

I feel her. Her still frame, her hot breath, completely at peace, at ease.

She sleeps on my back, in a baby carrier. Completely oblivious to all the things I'm doing, to all of the movements that my busy hands make. But she knows I'm there. She rests in perfect peace.

How is it that I am her rock? How is it that fragile, floundering me can possibly be her encouragement, her strength?

She wakes, balks a bit at the snugness, then gives in to rest, to sleep, again.

How often do I balk at the too-tight closeness of God? How often do I balk at His mercy, His love, His peace, only to finally give in to rest?

She will wake, will balk, will want put down. Or I will tire out from holding her and need my own rest. I lose patience, grow weary, and crave rest. For time on my own. Why do I balk at the One who wants to carry me? Balk at the One who can give me rest, grace, peace when I need it? All the time?

She doesn't know God. She knows me. She knows her Mama and her Daddy. When we forget peace, when we decide we don't want to listen or to do, she learns to balk from Him. To struggle and fight instead of lean in and rest.

It's such a humbling thought: she learns who God is from us. She learns how to perceive God from how we teach about Him.

Am I ready to teach her, show her God? I know that I'll never be ready if I'm trying to be perfect. But can I teach her to trust, to be humble, to rely and lean on Him? Can I teach her about faith, about love, about peace?

The only way I can teach is by acting it out. Daily. Hourly. Every moment will be taken into consideration, every act of mine will influence her walk with Him. Am I ready? I'll never be.

Unless...

I learn to lean and rest. Trust in the Everlasting Arms. Under the wing of the Almighty. In the safety of Him.

After all, He carries us.

Abby being carried in my fancy-schmancy Ergobaby

Why Two?: Thoughts on this Downpour of Love

I have heard it time and again, but it never stops resonating within my soul.

"Why were we given two?"

Why, indeed. Why am I blessed beyond measure, with countless joys coming from this little girl? Why me, when my own heart, my life, is wretched, cursed with sin? Why so much beauty, why so much joy, when my life should be nothing but sorrow, hurting, grieving over the loss and the pain?

Why did God choose to heal my hurts, be a balm for my wounds, and cure the ache within me?

Surely, it's nothing short of love. It's nothing short of miraculous.

Why would He choose to love me?

But He does. And His gifts, His love, His miraculous care for me never ceases to astonish and amaze.

I cannot escape it, nor would I want to. At times, I wish that I could go back to the girl who walked that long, dark road, but I know that I would not have listened. I would not have heard. Because God was working, slowly, surely, inside of me. I know that those dark days molded and shaped me into something I never could have imagined. Into something breathtakingly beautiful. Beauty from ashes. Life from death.

So many days, I just accept it all as is. I forget the blessings, accepting it all as normal, part of my days.

When, really, my life is nothing short of miraculous. The fact that I woke up this morning, the very breath in my lungs, my amazing husband who is so very good to me, and my beautiful, smart, active daughter who teaches me so much every day. Why was I given even one? Why am I blessed with all?

It's a question that I can never be fully satisfied with.

And my only solution?

To thank. To be thankful, grateful, every day that I am given. In the storms, in the rain, in the sun, in the hurricane, and in the breeze.

Thanking for the good and the hard, the easy and the difficult. For reminders that I do not deserve one, much less two. For the two and the three and the multitude of blessings. For the ever-flowing waterfall of love and mercy. For the never-ceasing molding and shaping and conforming to His image.

For the tools of sanctification and the outrageous downpours of grace.

Abby and her cousin, Aaron, on Mimi

Sweet moments with my Little Girlie

 

 

My sweet girl and I

Such a beautiful daughter, and I'm so very humbled by it all!

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!!

Can a Woman Forget her Nursing Child?

In case you missed the memo, this past week was World Breastfeeding Week. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why it's great or why I love it. Not even on factoid! (Seriously, I promise!) I did want to share this post that I wrote for my (ultra-time-consuming) other blog, Sisters 'N Cloth. (The one where I would readily post facts and reasons, if you're into those.) So without further ado, my post for this past week's Worship Wednesday. 

"Can a woman forget her nursing child,
    or lack compassion for the child of her womb?
    Even if these forget,
    yet I will not forget you."

Isaiah 49:15

Because it happens to be World Breastfeeding Week, this verse seems fitting. But because of other events this week, it seems even more fitting.

Melissa introduced me almost two months ago to a little baby, born almost 8 weeks ago with Trisomy 18. This little boy, Tate, lived for over 7 weeks with this genetic disease, defying so many odds. When his mother went in to have her 6 week checkup, her doctor mentioned that it must be hard for her to make the visit. She was amazed to find out that, no, this checkup was not difficult because her boy was still alive. Yes, he is gone now. But Tate has touched countless lives with his and his mother's and father's testimony. They trusted in God to heal their boy, and He did heal him to the fullest when He brought Tate home with Him in Heaven. But not only did God heal Tate, He also allowed for him to be loved, cherished, and nurtured by his family for over 7 wonderful weeks. God is so good! Tate went home to Heaven on Saturday, carried by many prayers.

Another baby, Everett, never saw the light of day. His mother went for another checkup just after his due date in February and found that he had already died. She delivered him the next day and has carried him in her heart since. Her pregnancy had been completely normal, no complications whatsoever. Nothing at all even hinted that something could go wrong. But when it did, she and her husband fell in God's embrace, constantly reminding themselves of God's goodness, His mercy, and His love. It's been five months since they buried their son, and they are rejoicing today because, in God's great love, He has given them another baby. And while they are so cautious, they can still rest in Him, knowing that He loves them and that every day with this baby is a gift.

There are so many times in life when it feels like God has abandoned us. There are wars, famines, hurts, death, and it seems that God couldn't be in them. That He must not love us enough or He would do something about it. We may think, "Babies dying? Come on, God, how is that just? How is it right when their parents are faithful? You have a twisted sense of justice..." But the verse above? Remember what it says? Even if it were possible for these mothers who have lost their children, the children of their wombs, God would still not forget us!

I pray that as you nurse your child this week, that you will remember the great love that God has for each one of us. As far-fetched as it may seem, He loves us more than the love you have for your child. Even as you nurse. And that, my friend, is pretty spectacular.

If you'd like to read more about Tate's story and learn how to pray for his family, you can visit his mother's blog here. To read Everett's story from the "start," you can visit his mother's blog here, or if you'd like to read her announcement post and rejoice with her, you can read it here.

Five Minute Fridays: Whole

I have been woefully neglecting this little blog. I hate how inconsistent I've become with it, but I also know that this is a growing and a stretching of myself. Hopefully I will be able to come back more regularly soon, but until then, I believe that Five-Minute Fridays may be my best bet at staying sort of regular. :)

This week's Five Minute Friday topic is whole. Five minutes, no editing, no worrying about how right it sounds or how creative (or not) it is. Just writing to write...and then sharing the writing love with fellow bloggers.

Start!

Whole? What is whole?

I, for one, have had fleeting moments when I have felt whole. I've been nit-picked, hurt, and have felt very un-whole for so many days. Losing myself in the "what I'm not," forgetting the "what I am." Wholeness does not come easily for me.

But.

I am whole, I am complete in Christ. I am a new creation. And my wholeness is not found in what I say or do (or what I don't say or do). Wholeness is found in Christ. In grace.

I trust this, I believe this, but it still takes a lot of courage for me to be whole. For me to live this knowledge.

I'm working on it. Slowly working, slowly thanking, slowly becoming the woman I need to be. The woman He has made me. The woman He is making me.

Wholeness. Complete.

The circle starts again, mother bearing daughter. The circle is made whole. The girl is made woman. And the wholeness begins to fill.

I work at being whole for her. I work at this wholeness, laboring daily so that she may have life. Life. Wholly living on grace.

Stop!

Abiella, "God is My Father"