Five Minute Friday: Remember

It's been a while since I stopped and wrote out a Five Minute Friday...but in the stillness of this minute (or five...) I'm going to once again join Lisa-Jo and a host of other bloggers as we Remember...

Start!

It's been nearly 9 months. 9 beautiful, life-changing, never-wanna-go-back months. She's starting to pull herself along the furniture...been pulling up for a while now. She's a mess, and she gets into everything, but I'm loving every second of it!

But before that? It had been almost 2 years. Since the heartache and the hurt and the anger and the pain. Since the first miscarriage that went on to two. Since God drew me close when I felt so far and allowed me a glimpse into the sufferings His Son went through...and that fellowship sustains me even now.

And today? Today, this week, I celebrate five wonderful years of getting to know the man I now call husband and who my daughter calls Daddy. Five years of hurt and anger at times and love and understanding, better-than-happily-ever-after at others. Five years of being goofy and turning right around and having a deep, theological discussion because that's how we roll, y'all. Five years of getting to know each other better...and I can't wait to see where this road takes us.

Life...good and bad. Life...worth remembering.

Stop!

And just because I feel like it (read: because I can and want to...) I'm going to leave you with a picture that I want to remember every year from now on...

Abby, Daddy, Mommy, and Aunt Shea at the Pumpkin Patch

Today we met with the search committee again. Which is amazing simply because this morning was rough.

Abby woke up at 6. Drew had a headache/sinus pressure that kept him in bed. And I was up earlier than I have been in a while. Abby finally went back to sleep...right before we left for church. And didn't get her nap out until, oh, around 4. PM.

Thankfully, even with the hiccups, the meeting went well. In fact, I'd say it went very well. We're waiting to hear back from them right now.

Of course, this being a small country church, there isn't a lot of money in it. And even though we aren't in it for the money by any means, we know that it will still take a certain amount to keep us on our feet. (We don't know exactly how much he would be making right now if he did accept the job. We just know that there isn't a lot of money in it.) So, essentially, we would begin praying for another job to supplement, whether it's something for me to do or for him to do.

I'm so thankful today for His grace-gifts. This morning, while I was taking a shower, Great is Thy Faithfulness came to my mind. Then we sung it in church. Then it played on the classical Pandora station. To me, it's obvious that it was meant for me today. To revel in the fact that He is faithful, that His mercies are new every morning, that He gives "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." That no matter how dark, how lonely life may seem, He is there. He is faithful. He is good. And He knows exactly where we are. He has blessed us beyond measure, and I realize that more and more each day that passes. He has given us so much, we who have so very little to give. And He doesn't expect for us to give Him anything but our love in return. 

 From Lamentations 3:
22 The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
     For His compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    Great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
   “Therefore I have hope in Him.”

Five-Minute Friday: Older

She has light brown hair that's slowly getting fuller, though it's still thin. Every now and then, in the sunshine, you can see streaks of red, promises of a fiery spirit.

She has two teeth now...two! Just a month ago, she had none.

She looks over at strangers in the restaurants and gabs at them until they notice her, and her biggest smiles come when she's entertaining someone. She loves dancing with her Daddy and me, too. Music is still her favorite.

She's eating toddler snacks and raw fruits and veggies. She loves toast strips and hates naps. She's always on the move, and she's getting faster every day!

No, she isn't my baby anymore, but I don't want her to be. She's growing into her personality, and I love watching her blossom.

Older, yes. Sweeter, of course! More of a diva? You bet! And I'm loving every. single. minute. of it all! Well, except for when she fights her naps. ;)

Linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday again! Join in on the fun! :)

Mommy Needs a Caffeine IV...

These days, it's sometimes all I can do to keep going. For realz.

I wonder if coffee could cure this exhaustion.

Yeah, it's that bad.

My husband finally has a good job that gives him awesome hours. Well, mostly awesome. Because in reality, it's an all-the-time gig. Radio station manager. Take that, Walmart!

He's pretty much always going, and since it's his job to get the station to a self-sustaining point, he's been stressed to the max for the past two weeks. Oh, and the commute it 3-4 hours away. Woot. Thankfully it's one he makes only once a week, but that also means that he's gone for 4+ days at a time.

I've been going with him, for obvious reasons. I mean, really, if I have the ability, I'm gonna stick with him!

Of course, Abby has been having "fun" while traveling. Ugh...and she's teething.

This adds up to tired daddy, tired baby, tired mommy...and a ransacked house that really needs cleaning. Especially since we're only here for a couple of days at a time anyway.

Which brings me to my point...


Anyone want to some over and help? Please?? 

Carried

She's quiet and content while I wrangle up some laundry. While I spray liquid allergy relief on sofas and pillows and beds and carpet. I sense her drifting off, her body slowly relaxing while I stay busy. Then I realize her head is down, her body quietly inhaling and exhaling. I grab some soup, some nourishment, and sit down for just a bit.

I feel her. Her still frame, her hot breath, completely at peace, at ease.

She sleeps on my back, in a baby carrier. Completely oblivious to all the things I'm doing, to all of the movements that my busy hands make. But she knows I'm there. She rests in perfect peace.

How is it that I am her rock? How is it that fragile, floundering me can possibly be her encouragement, her strength?

She wakes, balks a bit at the snugness, then gives in to rest, to sleep, again.

How often do I balk at the too-tight closeness of God? How often do I balk at His mercy, His love, His peace, only to finally give in to rest?

She will wake, will balk, will want put down. Or I will tire out from holding her and need my own rest. I lose patience, grow weary, and crave rest. For time on my own. Why do I balk at the One who wants to carry me? Balk at the One who can give me rest, grace, peace when I need it? All the time?

She doesn't know God. She knows me. She knows her Mama and her Daddy. When we forget peace, when we decide we don't want to listen or to do, she learns to balk from Him. To struggle and fight instead of lean in and rest.

It's such a humbling thought: she learns who God is from us. She learns how to perceive God from how we teach about Him.

Am I ready to teach her, show her God? I know that I'll never be ready if I'm trying to be perfect. But can I teach her to trust, to be humble, to rely and lean on Him? Can I teach her about faith, about love, about peace?

The only way I can teach is by acting it out. Daily. Hourly. Every moment will be taken into consideration, every act of mine will influence her walk with Him. Am I ready? I'll never be.

Unless...

I learn to lean and rest. Trust in the Everlasting Arms. Under the wing of the Almighty. In the safety of Him.

After all, He carries us.

Abby being carried in my fancy-schmancy Ergobaby

Why Two?: Thoughts on this Downpour of Love

I have heard it time and again, but it never stops resonating within my soul.

"Why were we given two?"

Why, indeed. Why am I blessed beyond measure, with countless joys coming from this little girl? Why me, when my own heart, my life, is wretched, cursed with sin? Why so much beauty, why so much joy, when my life should be nothing but sorrow, hurting, grieving over the loss and the pain?

Why did God choose to heal my hurts, be a balm for my wounds, and cure the ache within me?

Surely, it's nothing short of love. It's nothing short of miraculous.

Why would He choose to love me?

But He does. And His gifts, His love, His miraculous care for me never ceases to astonish and amaze.

I cannot escape it, nor would I want to. At times, I wish that I could go back to the girl who walked that long, dark road, but I know that I would not have listened. I would not have heard. Because God was working, slowly, surely, inside of me. I know that those dark days molded and shaped me into something I never could have imagined. Into something breathtakingly beautiful. Beauty from ashes. Life from death.

So many days, I just accept it all as is. I forget the blessings, accepting it all as normal, part of my days.

When, really, my life is nothing short of miraculous. The fact that I woke up this morning, the very breath in my lungs, my amazing husband who is so very good to me, and my beautiful, smart, active daughter who teaches me so much every day. Why was I given even one? Why am I blessed with all?

It's a question that I can never be fully satisfied with.

And my only solution?

To thank. To be thankful, grateful, every day that I am given. In the storms, in the rain, in the sun, in the hurricane, and in the breeze.

Thanking for the good and the hard, the easy and the difficult. For reminders that I do not deserve one, much less two. For the two and the three and the multitude of blessings. For the ever-flowing waterfall of love and mercy. For the never-ceasing molding and shaping and conforming to His image.

For the tools of sanctification and the outrageous downpours of grace.

Abby and her cousin, Aaron, on Mimi

Sweet moments with my Little Girlie

 

 

My sweet girl and I

Such a beautiful daughter, and I'm so very humbled by it all!

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!!

Can a Woman Forget her Nursing Child?

In case you missed the memo, this past week was World Breastfeeding Week. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why it's great or why I love it. Not even on factoid! (Seriously, I promise!) I did want to share this post that I wrote for my (ultra-time-consuming) other blog, Sisters 'N Cloth. (The one where I would readily post facts and reasons, if you're into those.) So without further ado, my post for this past week's Worship Wednesday. 

"Can a woman forget her nursing child,
    or lack compassion for the child of her womb?
    Even if these forget,
    yet I will not forget you."

Isaiah 49:15

Because it happens to be World Breastfeeding Week, this verse seems fitting. But because of other events this week, it seems even more fitting.

Melissa introduced me almost two months ago to a little baby, born almost 8 weeks ago with Trisomy 18. This little boy, Tate, lived for over 7 weeks with this genetic disease, defying so many odds. When his mother went in to have her 6 week checkup, her doctor mentioned that it must be hard for her to make the visit. She was amazed to find out that, no, this checkup was not difficult because her boy was still alive. Yes, he is gone now. But Tate has touched countless lives with his and his mother's and father's testimony. They trusted in God to heal their boy, and He did heal him to the fullest when He brought Tate home with Him in Heaven. But not only did God heal Tate, He also allowed for him to be loved, cherished, and nurtured by his family for over 7 wonderful weeks. God is so good! Tate went home to Heaven on Saturday, carried by many prayers.

Another baby, Everett, never saw the light of day. His mother went for another checkup just after his due date in February and found that he had already died. She delivered him the next day and has carried him in her heart since. Her pregnancy had been completely normal, no complications whatsoever. Nothing at all even hinted that something could go wrong. But when it did, she and her husband fell in God's embrace, constantly reminding themselves of God's goodness, His mercy, and His love. It's been five months since they buried their son, and they are rejoicing today because, in God's great love, He has given them another baby. And while they are so cautious, they can still rest in Him, knowing that He loves them and that every day with this baby is a gift.

There are so many times in life when it feels like God has abandoned us. There are wars, famines, hurts, death, and it seems that God couldn't be in them. That He must not love us enough or He would do something about it. We may think, "Babies dying? Come on, God, how is that just? How is it right when their parents are faithful? You have a twisted sense of justice..." But the verse above? Remember what it says? Even if it were possible for these mothers who have lost their children, the children of their wombs, God would still not forget us!

I pray that as you nurse your child this week, that you will remember the great love that God has for each one of us. As far-fetched as it may seem, He loves us more than the love you have for your child. Even as you nurse. And that, my friend, is pretty spectacular.

If you'd like to read more about Tate's story and learn how to pray for his family, you can visit his mother's blog here. To read Everett's story from the "start," you can visit his mother's blog here, or if you'd like to read her announcement post and rejoice with her, you can read it here.

Five Minute Fridays: Whole

I have been woefully neglecting this little blog. I hate how inconsistent I've become with it, but I also know that this is a growing and a stretching of myself. Hopefully I will be able to come back more regularly soon, but until then, I believe that Five-Minute Fridays may be my best bet at staying sort of regular. :)

This week's Five Minute Friday topic is whole. Five minutes, no editing, no worrying about how right it sounds or how creative (or not) it is. Just writing to write...and then sharing the writing love with fellow bloggers.

Start!

Whole? What is whole?

I, for one, have had fleeting moments when I have felt whole. I've been nit-picked, hurt, and have felt very un-whole for so many days. Losing myself in the "what I'm not," forgetting the "what I am." Wholeness does not come easily for me.

But.

I am whole, I am complete in Christ. I am a new creation. And my wholeness is not found in what I say or do (or what I don't say or do). Wholeness is found in Christ. In grace.

I trust this, I believe this, but it still takes a lot of courage for me to be whole. For me to live this knowledge.

I'm working on it. Slowly working, slowly thanking, slowly becoming the woman I need to be. The woman He has made me. The woman He is making me.

Wholeness. Complete.

The circle starts again, mother bearing daughter. The circle is made whole. The girl is made woman. And the wholeness begins to fill.

I work at being whole for her. I work at this wholeness, laboring daily so that she may have life. Life. Wholly living on grace.

Stop!

Abiella, "God is My Father"

when grief comes to visit again

Grief. It's such a funny thing. You can go for days, weeks, months without it ever rearing its head.

And then, one day it pops up out of nowhere, leaving you hurt and angry and breathless all over again.

My babies. I will forever miss them, and I didn't even know them. Hardly knew they were even there. And yet they taught me the hardest lessons I have ever learned.

And today, I sit here thinking that I will never have anything but the vague memory that they were here. That the only thing I ever gave them was a name. And though they never called me Mama, they did bring to life my Mother's heart. Their short lives are filled with such paradoxes, the greatest being that my friends and family in Heaven know them better than I ever will while I live here on earth.

There are so many questions that I have, so many I'd love to ask that can't be answered. But even amidst the questions and the hurt, I know this: I am thankful for their lives. I am thankful for their deaths. Not because I don't miss them. Not because I've had a vision of them. I am thankful because without their deaths, Abby wouldn't be here today. Without their deaths, I would not be the woman I am. Without their deaths, I would not be nearly so anxious for Heaven.

Yes, I am thankful. Even when I don't understand why.

The Unveiling

I don't know if you're at all like me. If you read this fairly regularly, there must be something in yourself you see in me. Possibly. Maybe?

Which is odd. Because I've been hiding for years. From me. From everyone else. Because sometimes I really don't like who I am.

There have been years when I hid in books, imagining someone else's life in places far and away from my mundane life.

There have been years when I hid in my words, writing whatever is on my heart while not actually dealing with it. Writing the things I couldn't say...because my words come surer on the page than in the air.

Before that, I hid in my play, in Barbies and baby dolls and beanie babies. Pretend the world isn't as it is. Pretend I'm not me.

I hid from my sisters, my friends, my parents, and, until recently, even my husband. Because I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or neat enough. Because whatever face I could show them would be better than me. 

And now? Now the world hits me full-force because now I'm the shield for my daughter. Because I want her to deal with life and not hide. Not hide behind pretend, pretense, words, or stories.

Her story matters. Her words matter. And I want to hear those words instead of letting her bottle them up inside of her. I want to keep her unveiled because, you know what? She's pretty awesome.

Awesome baby girl

Five Minute Fridays: Wonder

It's been another whirlwind week! So, so much going on lately. Thank you for your patience, friends, as I learn to write two (!) blogs. Friday is here, and once again I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo to write without worrying about if it's just right or not! Can I just say that after a week filled with blog posts that I've been worried over, this feels like just the vacation I need? It's the simple things, I guess. This week's topic? Wonder.

Abby at 20 weeks: the day we found out she would be a girl!

Go! 

I sat in wonder at 20 weeks, awing over the sonogram I had received. In awe at the beauty, the glory of God forming in me. And I cried, I cried that God could be so very good.

I sat in wonder several nights...woken up around 5 or 6 by the little body moving around in mine. Just sitting, feeling her move and shift and play. Little baby girl, wrapped inside me...wrapped lovingly by God's hands.

I sat in wonder in February, after almost a day's worth of labor, and just stared at the little life in my arms. Just stared at her nose, at her eyes, at her hands. Awing over this little life just beginning, awing that I already knew her and she already fit.

Abby at birth

I sit in wonder now, listening to her cry from waking herself up. In awe and wonder that she is who she is, how she is a mirrored image of myself, much more social than I could ever be. And I wonder how it is that God brings a life into this world to enrich mine, ours, and shows us who we are, who we have always been, who we have hidden from the world. And it is so good to just wonder a while. 

Abby today

Stop!

Cut this one a little early. Couldn't let my baby girl. keep crying!

Multitudes on Mondays: Pink

When I found out that I was having a girl last September, I was excited. I had only known girls, being the oldest of three of that gender, and boys? Well, I had no clue. But there was one part that I did not like.

Pink.

Pink was never a good color for me, and I much prefer green or blue or purple or even yellow to the ultra-girly pink.

Pink is what girly-girls wear. Barbie wears pink. Girls who take hours to dress each morning wear pink. My daughter was not going to be one of those girls. Pink was out.

But there's a sad truth to having a girl. Almost all newborn clothes, nearly every girl-specific toy, and *almost every single girl gift at baby showers come only one color: PINK.

At first, I balked. I protested. I looked for other ways, other means. Pink would not be the defining color of my baby girl!

Then she was born. And pink indeed took over much of her wardrobe. And her toys. While there were (and are) other colors, we still have lots of pink.

But I've actually come to like it, accept it. Pink is so much more than a color. It's a mindset, a realization that this child is my daughter, a princess, and longs to be beautiful, even now. (Yes, my four-month-old loves to be put in pretty, albeit comfy, clothes...especially pink ones!) My daughter, even now, is showing her girly side: preferring to be a social butterfly, enjoying shopping trips to the fullest, and already trying to talk up a storm.

Pink. Is absolutely beautiful.

Counting the gifts that pink has brought us:

pink dolls
pink onesies
pink on her diaper covers
pink dresses
pink Moses basket
pink blankets
pink rattles
pink socks
pink pants
pink stroller
pink towels and washcloths
pink bathrobe
pink picture frames
pink photo albums
pink stuffed animals
...and a purple swing. 

Sisters 'N Cloth

Bloggy friends! I have such exciting news!! Tonight (estimated time is 7 PM), yes tonight, my sister-in-law, Melissa, and I are launching our new blog, Sisters 'N Cloth!

It's been a whirlwind week, from idea to themes to intro posts to Twitter to Facebook to launch! What a ride!

I am excited to be able to share posts about cloth diapers, frugal living, "green" living (to an extent), breastfeeding, babywearing, and homeschooling! We're also planning to have reviews and giveaways. So stop by, grab a cup of coffee, and join in the conversation. We can't wait to share this part of our world with you!

If you'd like to read my thoughts on green living, feel free to visit my post: A Greener View.

If you'd like, you can follow us on Twitter: @sistersncloth or on Facebook:  Sisters 'N Cloth

Project Love

I read Ann's post today, and the same feelings, the same compassion, overwhelms me. The same that started in September 2010, the same that has been haunting me ever since.

Every Compassion post on Twitter, every mention of writing letters, fuels this desire, this heartache for someone I've never met.

And since September, I've heard, "If you can find a way..." I have tried. But there are bills to pay, loans we can't pay, groceries, clothes, and list goes on. Still, my heart clenches and the tears well up because I know that we are so much better off than so many around this world. How can we make this work?

Right now, I'm working with my sister-in-law on a project that I hope will allow for this, for the love of Christ to be brought to others, for Christ in them to be their hope of glory, for God to be glorified and honored, and for us both to be brought lower.

Would you join me in prayers for this? That we may glorify God through this project, viewing it as much as ministry as anything? That we may be bold in our faith in the circles we will be in? And that, possibly, God would allow for one more child to be sponsored in our name? Thank you, friends.

Multitudes on Mondays: Flats Challenge Edition

Yesterday officially ended the flats challenge, which consisted of handwashing and line drying flats with only five covers daily. At night, we could use whatever diaper we wanted, though we were encouraged to try a flat wrapped in a prefold. (Honestly, I ended up using disposables several times, though I did put Abby in flats two nights on accident because she fell asleep earlier than I thought she would. Yay for Thirsties!)

I am so glad that I did take the challenge! At first, I was a little apprehensive, but I figured that since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I had at least a little more time than moms who work. And since Abby is only 16 weeks, she doesn't have nearly difficult diapers.

Some things the challenge taught me about flats:

1. That crunchy feeling from line drying doesn't have to be there! I just wrung them out a couple of times, and they were soft again!
2. Rinsing them out really does help! Even a "wet pail" or a soak all night just doesn't cut it like rinsing them immediately afterwards (especially with poopy or ammonia diapers).
3. Wearing rubber gloves not only saves your hands from becoming way too dry but also helps when rubbing stains out. Even works on covers!
4. There are other flat folds out there, and even though I use several, there's always something to be said about trying something new. I love the two folds I've found this week (the diaperbag fold and the airplane fold). So much trimmer than I though possible!

This is the diaperbag fold

SO much trimmer than my usual folds!

Another reason why I'm thankful for this challenge is that it really opened my eyes. My husband had been without work for several months before Abby was born, and then he was even out of a job for several weeks after. But God always provided for us. We never went without food (maybe some cravings, but not food!), we had some late bills that were paid for before any utilities were cut off, and we have never gone without the essentials.

One reason why I wanted to cloth diaper is because I knew that even with all of the diapers that had been given to us (and even with the ones still coming in), we would not be able to diaper our daughter with disposables. Thankfully, we had been given money that was set aside specifically for Abby's newborn/small-sized diaper stash. I had the information needed to cloth diaper, even in mostly flats, and I had a washing machine, even if it only runs cold water. I was even able to research several folds because, well, I had the time and I knew how to search for them.

The fact is that many families in similar situations to mine don't know about cloth diapers or they don't have washers or dryers to clean them with. The information just isn't there, so they re-use dried disposable diapers. This challenge was originally formed to raise awareness that there are other methods, other ways to save money on diapers, and that even this cheapest way is doable. Do I think that a single mom would have tons of time to do this? No. But in an emergency? This definitely works. When it's either diapers or food, this method definitely works. 

Do you know how often I have wished for a hot water heater in my washer? Hot water helps break down the detergent so that the diapers are rinsed out quicker. Even a warm wash would have helped. But now I realize just how blessed I am. Even though I don't have hot water running to my washer, I do have it running to my tub. A hot wash in a bucket with a plunger doesn't take that long. And here's the kicker: I can actually rinse my diapers in my cold-water-washer and then put them in the dryer, saving me lots of time! How selfish my wish seems now!

So my grace-gift list this week? I'm so thankful for:

my sister-in-law, who introduced me to modern cloth diapers and then showed me how easy using the most basic diapers really is
those who gave us the money for diapers :)
being able to get through Abby's first four months with the same diapers that were waiting for her at home
my cold-water-only washer!!
my dryer
having information from experience...and sharing it with others
diapers on the line...
being able to use my all-in-one and prefold cloth diapers again!!
tax return money (hopefully used to buy a couple more diapers)
God's great faithfulness: He brought us to the trial, and He is bringing us through it by His great love and grace!
winning diapers in giveaways! especially ones we can use for a long time!
finally trying out a Snappi (thanks to The Great Cloth Diaper Change in Memphis!)
the possibility of this challenge benefiting the lives of others
God's great goodness...so many gifts that I could never deserve

Flats Challenge Link-Up, Day 7! 

Day 4 Flats Challenge

Flats, Day 4.

What am I doing again? Read the rules here at Dirty Diaper Laundry!

My honest feelings about flats? Just flats? See, you think I'd be used to it. After all, I have maybe 2 cloth diapers that are "modern." But. I also use disposables every now and then. (Maybe that's why I'm using disposables at night...I kinda miss that little convenience during the day!) It's not hard. It's not draining, even. But it isn't super-convenient either. It does help when I've already folded the flat into fourths, simply because all of the folds I use stem from that.

Here are links to some of my favorites:

Origami fold

Simple or Kite fold (I don't use this one yet because it really works better on older babies, but I list it here because it is so often used!)

Corners fold (This one was better when Abby was little. Can't use it much now because my flats aren't big enough!)

Twist fold (I actually do this one in fourths right now...sort of like a prefold's Bikini Twist fold, but this looks like it would last longer for her!)

Here are some more folds you might find interesting:

The Nappy Nanny

Diaper Swappers Forum

Today's main challenge was that we were out again. She ended up in the same diaper for a while, which is easy for me to do since she doesn't complain or leak (for the most part). I find that if I'm not proactive in changing her diapers, she ends up with maybe 5 a day. Not very good when she's sitting in her own urine for hours at a time! I usually catch the poo, so that isn't a factor often. Of course, I can't really do much about naptime or even at night, but during the day, I try to do as much as I can. Even that one extra diaper change can help so much.

Thankfully, I kept up with diapers on Wednesday, so I have only 5 or so that are dirty right now. Meaning that I can easily wait until the morning to wash them again. Ya know, when the sun is shining and all... :) Yay for a small break!

Flats Challenge: Suddenly It's Wednesday

I know what you're thinking. "Yep. She didn't make it. That whole handwashing thing? Couldn't take it. Now back to reality..."

Sorry, but that's just not the case. :)

I thought I'd get a "head start" Sunday night, so I put Abby in a flat wrapped in a prefold.(Suggested by Dirty Diaper Laundry, the host of this challenge.)

Yes, I use pins! Scary!

Abby's Thirsties Wrap Duo Size 2 snapped down to smallest setting

I had tried flats at night, flats with a flat as a doubler, flats with a doubler as a doubler, flats with a flat and a doubler as a doubler...and had thought that I would never be able to find a solution that would keep Abby's bum relatively dry at night. But this? This works beautifully! Instead of her bum being wet, it was mostly dry!

So far, the flats aren't the challenge. It's the handwashing that gets me. (Well, that and line drying...I do miss my nice, soft flats!) I've been filling a bucket up with water (and detergent for one "wash" cycle), wringing, rinsing, and generally just trying to get the ickies out. One thing that has helped me has been smelling the diapers. I can tell if they aren't getting clean enough because when they're truly clean, I smell nothing. I'll be honest, it's been hard to get them that clean. However, I normally smell ickies in the diapers after I wash them in the machines anyway, probably because we don't have a hot water heater hooked up to our washer. (And, no, we can't get one. Our landlord won't let us.)

My bucket with some cloth wipes added in (the Bumkins is from Sunday)

Soaking the diapers (Both the Bumkins and the Envibum are from Sunday)

One thing that really helps leftover ickies is drying diapers in the sun. Not only does it leave a nice, fresh scent, but the UV rays also disinfect the diapers! I already loved "line" drying my diapers, but I would put them in the dryer for a few minutes to soften them up. But if I'm really going to do this challenge "prairie style," then that's out of the question. I did find, though, that drying them inside the walk-in closet with the water heater gave them a much softer feel!

My first attempt at drying inside...took forever and left them crunchy feeling

Wasn't sure how this would work, but LOVE the softer results!

Yesterday, we were gone all day, so I just filled my little Grovia diaper duffel and headed out. I've always loved how well Thirsties covers work over longer periods. Not that I purposely don't change my daughter's diaper, but sometimes I get busy. With Thirsties, it really does take a LOT to leak, so I knew I wouldn't have problems yesterday. Well, Abby fell asleep last night before I changed her diaper or even put on her jammies. All she had on was one flat and her Thirsties cover. I had changed her diaper around 9 last night, and it took until 7 AM before she even leaked! Not that I want to put her in that situation often, but it's nice to know that I can if I have to.

I'm most likely going to do another summary on Friday or Saturday instead of writing one tomorrow. But I do want to get a list of several flat folds that you can try (if you so choose) as well as links to some of the diaper stores that sell flats. (Not all do, actually, and some are more expensive than others.) For this being the third day of the challenge, I think it's going fairly well. I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Not that I'd want to do it all the time, but I could if I needed to.

Interested? Find out more here at Dirty Diaper Laundry to find out more about why I'm being extra nutty this week! ;)

Is It Tuesday Already??

Oh wow. To say that it's been a long week so far is an understatement! I'm still thinking it's Monday...

Sunday, we traveled down to Jackson to have Abiella dedicated at my dad's church. It was so sweet being able to publicly show that we have given her to God on Mother's Day, a day that for the previous two years has been so very hard. I will not say that this is my first Mother's Day, even though it is my first to celebrate with a child (which has made the past two years quite awkward...) It's my third. Just like Abiella is my third child, even if the world sees "just" one. Yet I am thankful, so thankful, for the many reminders of my other two children...even down to the dragonflies on Abby's pacifier. Their lives have changed me in ways I'll never fully understand, and I am so grateful to be their Mama.

We got home after midnight on Sunday, and when I woke up Monday morning, I was most definitely feeling under the weather. Allergies can be so annoying! Thankfully I slept most of it off today (I even grabbed a quick nap this afternoon!), and I think the dreamlike state is over. I hope so, anyway. It was so bad that as I was writing down my gift-count, I could not think of any words at all! I'm still pretty loopy, but things are looking up for the most part.

I am thankful for so much, even in my allergy-head-cold state.
Like caffeine that clears my head enough to think semi-clearly!
And definitely the time that I was able to spend with my family. The times are too few and too short lately!
I'm also thankful for Drew's family driving down to Jackson to be part of Abby's dedication, even if they were late. Their commitment to us and to Abby is truly humbling.
Sunny days that shine the brightest light into the living room.
Abby sleeping soundly (apparently her gums have been bothering her lately and I'm just now noticing!)
Homemade laundry detergent that works really well!
Homemade cloth diaper detergent that won't leave residue on my diapers!
The way that my mind is/isn't working...I'm pretty sure that this post is one of the most random yet!
The Envibum diaper that I won! Free diapering for my little girl? Yeah...definitely made my day!! And this company is just awesome! Love that they're Christ-based and that they donate $2 from every order to different organizations (including Crisis Pregnancy Center!)
Also for the hairbow set that I won...too sweet!
For dresses and blankets and sewing adventures...
For big, big smiles from my sweet girl...
For Coca-Cola goodness that helps me get through the day...
For pink toenails and clean hair in a ponytail...
For her reaching and grabbing and holding on tightly...
For the wonderful words my husband tells me, much more meaningful than any card could be...
For all of the dirty, yucky, coma-inducing, seemingly-endless days of new motherhood and the love that pours out...
For realizing that I still have a major attachment to my flats over fancy diapers...
For all the goodness and love poured out on wretched, horrid me.
Lord of all, to Thee I raise this, my hymn of grateful praise!

Motherhood Should Come With...

I had completely forgotten about Five-Minute Friday last night...until right after I posted about Abby's 3 month "birthday" and saw Lisa-Jo's post. :) So without further ado, Five-Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come With...

Go!

Motherhood should come with a club. An all-exclusive, full-membership, clubhouse-included club. With a never-ending pot of coffee. Yep. Motherhood should come with this club: one with a guide for more than just newborn care. One with the rule that prohibits slandering because of child-rearing choices. One where women can just talk about their fears, their worries, their hopes and dreams without any judgement. Where they can just be accepted for whatever they decide to do because, after all, we're all in the same boat. We're all just making do with whatever we have, whether it's breastfed or formula-fed, co-sleeping or not, natural living or surviving in suburbia...the fact is that we're all raising children...to whatever end...to the best of our ability.

Oh, and we'd definitely have this as our theme song. :)

Stop!

Want to join me? Head over to Lisa-Jo's and join in the fun!

Three Months!

Three months ago, I was up, awake with labor pains that had kept me from a nap already needed. And I stayed awake for at least two more days...for some reason I couldn't sleep for more than an hour with my sweet girl in this world!

She's still keeping me awake at night...not because she feeds often or even stays awake for very long. Nope...I just love holding her close in these sweet moments. Feeling her breathe against my chest, hearing her sighs. They are right up there with her big grins, giggles, and almost-laughs. Two years ago, I would have given anything for the incredible blessings I have now, and I try to stay mindful of that.

I'm not going to lie: I still feel like she is going to be taken from me any second. Which may be a blessing in disguise because I am forced to give her to God every moment of every day. The reality is that she isn't mine, and I can't live like she is. She is God's. He has lent her to me, and every single minute with her is a grace-gift from Him.

I don't feel that way very often, honestly. When she's fussy, the last thing I want to do is be grateful for her. When she wakes me up at night, I don't want to enjoy her or even hold her. I just want to sleep! But when I look into her eyes and see that she needs me, even when I'm tired of having to be there for her, I melt just a little. I am reminded of so many families who have lost babies, who would be ecstatic for one minute of the frustration that I sometimes feel, and I thank God for this miracle...and the miracle happens: I am thankful. Truly thankful. Even for the spit-up, the fussiness, the everywhere-poop, the I-have-to-be-held-and-entertained-NOW cries...all of it when I thank.