Since all these things are to be destroyed in this way, what sort of people ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be destroyed by burning, and the elements will melt with intense heat! 2 Peter 3:11-12
I've been reading the New Testament, specifically any non-Pauline letters. I think a lot of times, we read and hear what Paul wrote while we neglect the rest of the New Testament or even the Old Testament. I read the passage above today, and it's been weighing heavily on my mind.
What sort of people should we be?
After all, this world is fading. It will be burned one day, along with everything we've accumulated. Wealth, power, prestige, success...even "good" things like clothes, computers, food, shelter. All of this? This that we've gained while on earth? It's going to be burned. To ashes. Pointless.
How will we have affected this world? The people in it? What will the fires show at the end of the world? Were we caring? Genuine? Did we love our enemies? Did we bless them who cursed us? Did we show love and compassion to the lost and hurting, or did we just skim over their needs?
I'm often humbled with the knowledge that even though my husband is without a job, we're still wealthier than most of the people in this world. Tonight, I read this post that challenged that thought even further. I encourage you to read it (bring tissues!) I also encourage you to pray and ask yourself if your possessions have a hold on you. If so, pray for a new perspective. If they don't, then what is keeping you from sharing, from giving the least of these your all?
It's a hard question which I don't know the answer to. For myself. For our family. For the world.
Showing posts with label Psalm 23. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psalm 23. Show all posts
Sep 24, 2011
Sep 23, 2011
Five Minute Friday: Growing
Linking up again with Lisa-Jo for the most freeing 5 minutes known to this blogger. :) Yes, I'm actually taking the time this week for Five-Minute Friday!
You know the drill: Write for 5 minutes on the topic (Growing) with no editing. Just writing what comes from the heart without looking for perfection.
Go!
Growing can be painful. It can cause stretchmarks on a pregnant belly and late night pains on a growing teenager. Scars, broken bones, stitches...all come from growing.
But the end result can be breathtaking!
I'm reminded of the Greek meaning for humility (one of my husband's favorite illustrations). The word literally comes from the idea of breaking a wild horse in. Of learning to use the strength and prowess for more than just yourself. God teaches us to control what He has given us through, well, growing.
Through the trials and the sufferings, through the hard times in the valleys. He teaches, strengthens, and humbles us so that He can use us better.
We've been in a growing season lately. Lately as in the past few years. Yes, it's only gotten harder. But God has also shown Himself in ways that we never would have dreamed possible. And as we've grown spiritually, we've also grown closer to our gracious God, who gives us all that we need in ways we could not have imagined.
Stop!
What about you? How has God shown you His grace as He grows and humbles you?
You know the drill: Write for 5 minutes on the topic (Growing) with no editing. Just writing what comes from the heart without looking for perfection.
Go!
Growing can be painful. It can cause stretchmarks on a pregnant belly and late night pains on a growing teenager. Scars, broken bones, stitches...all come from growing.
But the end result can be breathtaking!
I'm reminded of the Greek meaning for humility (one of my husband's favorite illustrations). The word literally comes from the idea of breaking a wild horse in. Of learning to use the strength and prowess for more than just yourself. God teaches us to control what He has given us through, well, growing.
Through the trials and the sufferings, through the hard times in the valleys. He teaches, strengthens, and humbles us so that He can use us better.
We've been in a growing season lately. Lately as in the past few years. Yes, it's only gotten harder. But God has also shown Himself in ways that we never would have dreamed possible. And as we've grown spiritually, we've also grown closer to our gracious God, who gives us all that we need in ways we could not have imagined.
Stop!
What about you? How has God shown you His grace as He grows and humbles you?
Sep 18, 2011
Today we met with the search committee again. Which is amazing simply because this morning was rough.
Abby woke up at 6. Drew had a headache/sinus pressure that kept him in bed. And I was up earlier than I have been in a while. Abby finally went back to sleep...right before we left for church. And didn't get her nap out until, oh, around 4. PM.
Thankfully, even with the hiccups, the meeting went well. In fact, I'd say it went very well. We're waiting to hear back from them right now.
Of course, this being a small country church, there isn't a lot of money in it. And even though we aren't in it for the money by any means, we know that it will still take a certain amount to keep us on our feet. (We don't know exactly how much he would be making right now if he did accept the job. We just know that there isn't a lot of money in it.) So, essentially, we would begin praying for another job to supplement, whether it's something for me to do or for him to do.
I'm so thankful today for His grace-gifts. This morning, while I was taking a shower, Great is Thy Faithfulness came to my mind. Then we sung it in church. Then it played on the classical Pandora station. To me, it's obvious that it was meant for me today. To revel in the fact that He is faithful, that His mercies are new every morning, that He gives "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." That no matter how dark, how lonely life may seem, He is there. He is faithful. He is good. And He knows exactly where we are. He has blessed us beyond measure, and I realize that more and more each day that passes. He has given us so much, we who have so very little to give. And He doesn't expect for us to give Him anything but our love in return.
From Lamentations 3:
22 The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”
Abby woke up at 6. Drew had a headache/sinus pressure that kept him in bed. And I was up earlier than I have been in a while. Abby finally went back to sleep...right before we left for church. And didn't get her nap out until, oh, around 4. PM.
Thankfully, even with the hiccups, the meeting went well. In fact, I'd say it went very well. We're waiting to hear back from them right now.
Of course, this being a small country church, there isn't a lot of money in it. And even though we aren't in it for the money by any means, we know that it will still take a certain amount to keep us on our feet. (We don't know exactly how much he would be making right now if he did accept the job. We just know that there isn't a lot of money in it.) So, essentially, we would begin praying for another job to supplement, whether it's something for me to do or for him to do.
I'm so thankful today for His grace-gifts. This morning, while I was taking a shower, Great is Thy Faithfulness came to my mind. Then we sung it in church. Then it played on the classical Pandora station. To me, it's obvious that it was meant for me today. To revel in the fact that He is faithful, that His mercies are new every morning, that He gives "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." That no matter how dark, how lonely life may seem, He is there. He is faithful. He is good. And He knows exactly where we are. He has blessed us beyond measure, and I realize that more and more each day that passes. He has given us so much, we who have so very little to give. And He doesn't expect for us to give Him anything but our love in return.
From Lamentations 3:
22 The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”
Sep 15, 2011
What Happened Last Night
Meeting with the church last night went very well! We really enjoyed talking with the youth, and we even had a blast with the youth search committee! We're going to be visiting the church on Sunday and talking with the search committee afterwards again.
When we got home last night, both Drew and I felt really good about the prospect of being the youth minister there. It's a small youth group with an age gap between 7th and 8th graders and college-aged kids. But we know that we could very well leave a good foundation for them, which is exciting.
The other possible problem is that it is a part-time position. More than likely, Drew will need to get another job to fill in the gaps.
Your prayers are coveted as we seek God's will.
On another note, this morning, I woke up to another grace-gift: my morning glory vines, which have never had more than 2 flowers or 1 color bloom at the same time, had 7 blooms with both colors!! God is truly gracious and loving, and I'm so thankful that He cares enough for me to show me His love when I'm feeling especially down.
Thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your support. It means so very much to me.
When we got home last night, both Drew and I felt really good about the prospect of being the youth minister there. It's a small youth group with an age gap between 7th and 8th graders and college-aged kids. But we know that we could very well leave a good foundation for them, which is exciting.
The other possible problem is that it is a part-time position. More than likely, Drew will need to get another job to fill in the gaps.
Your prayers are coveted as we seek God's will.
On another note, this morning, I woke up to another grace-gift: my morning glory vines, which have never had more than 2 flowers or 1 color bloom at the same time, had 7 blooms with both colors!! God is truly gracious and loving, and I'm so thankful that He cares enough for me to show me His love when I'm feeling especially down.
Thank you all for your prayers, your love, and your support. It means so very much to me.
Sep 14, 2011
Life Right Now: Drew has an Interview!!
I have some great news! Drew has an interview tonight!!
It's a part-time position as a youth minister, so it won't cover all of our financial needs. But it's a start! And it also happens to be with the age group that we both have a passion for! This position does have the potential to become full-time, too.
I'm also thankful that it's at a church nearby. We won't have to move! And we can coordinate events with the youth minister that Drew interned under for a couple of years!
Now, while I'm excited about this opportunity, I'm not going to lie: I'm also concerned about where we are now. Our daughter is actually getting to the end of her extensive wardrobe (for some reason, we didn't receive a lot of clothes after 6 months), and she is also outgrowing some of her cloth diaper covers. It's just been a lot lately, period, and to add these smaller things on top of it overwhelms. And while I have been doing fairly well, I tend to avoid it until I'm crushed under the weight of it all. Which is where I am now. I will say that at least God has been good to let my husband and I take turns with being overwhelmed. But I digress.
I want to thank each of you for your prayers and your sweet comments. It really does mean a lot to me.
It's a part-time position as a youth minister, so it won't cover all of our financial needs. But it's a start! And it also happens to be with the age group that we both have a passion for! This position does have the potential to become full-time, too.
I'm also thankful that it's at a church nearby. We won't have to move! And we can coordinate events with the youth minister that Drew interned under for a couple of years!
Now, while I'm excited about this opportunity, I'm not going to lie: I'm also concerned about where we are now. Our daughter is actually getting to the end of her extensive wardrobe (for some reason, we didn't receive a lot of clothes after 6 months), and she is also outgrowing some of her cloth diaper covers. It's just been a lot lately, period, and to add these smaller things on top of it overwhelms. And while I have been doing fairly well, I tend to avoid it until I'm crushed under the weight of it all. Which is where I am now. I will say that at least God has been good to let my husband and I take turns with being overwhelmed. But I digress.
I want to thank each of you for your prayers and your sweet comments. It really does mean a lot to me.
Sep 8, 2011
A Note About Life Right Now and the God Who Can Handle It!!
I've been keeping certain aspects of my life hidden from this blog, choosing instead to put my more inspired thoughts here. Well, things are not going as we had hoped. Not at all.
But I've come to realize something incredibly important: if I hide all of what God does in my life, then I am hiding the things that I should praise Him for. I'm hiding His goodness, His grace. Even in the hard times, when I feel like nothing is going the way it should.
Right now, my husband is without at job once more. This, by the way, is the third or fourth time in a year. (I've lost count, to be honest...) This is the fourth or fifth month (depending on how you look at things) that husband has been without a job in the past year. And we're leaning completely on God to provide for us. Totally.
We've talked about it I don't know how many times, but we both agree that my role is to stay at home and take care of the house and our daughter. I don't know exactly what I can do from home to help (I'm not a salesperson, and I don't take time to do crafts, even though I hoard them on Pinterest!) I don't know if I should do something from home to help.
We're currently praying, seeking God's face, asking Him to show us where He would have us. We're waiting on miracles, and He has already provided one. One that should help us pay a couple of bills and keep food on the table and gas in our truck for a little longer, anyway. I'm not going to lie: we're also hurting. I'm not going to go into details, but we're being hurt from several people that we trusted. And my husband is also upset because though we've been trying to follow God, we are getting no where. Fast. It's enough of an effort to keep food on the table, much less clothes on our backs.
I've been holding onto the verses in Luke 12 that speak of God clothing the lilies and feeding the sparrows. That He loves us so much more than they. That He will provide for our needs, that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians). Reminding myself that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and that His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah). That He owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalms), and maybe He'll sell one for us?
All that I ask is that you would pray for us. Just for a minute. I'll be updating how God is working as it happens (or at least shortly thereafter).
Let me be clear on a couple of things: I do not believe that God is punishing us or that if we just had more faith, He would move. I also do not believe that He will take care of us because all He wants to do is bless us. I do fully believe that He is testing us, trying us, and working in our lives through this hurt in order to bring glory to Himself and to prune us. If I see any comments that say otherwise, I reserve the right to delete them on the spot.
But I've come to realize something incredibly important: if I hide all of what God does in my life, then I am hiding the things that I should praise Him for. I'm hiding His goodness, His grace. Even in the hard times, when I feel like nothing is going the way it should.
Right now, my husband is without at job once more. This, by the way, is the third or fourth time in a year. (I've lost count, to be honest...) This is the fourth or fifth month (depending on how you look at things) that husband has been without a job in the past year. And we're leaning completely on God to provide for us. Totally.
We've talked about it I don't know how many times, but we both agree that my role is to stay at home and take care of the house and our daughter. I don't know exactly what I can do from home to help (I'm not a salesperson, and I don't take time to do crafts, even though I hoard them on Pinterest!) I don't know if I should do something from home to help.
We're currently praying, seeking God's face, asking Him to show us where He would have us. We're waiting on miracles, and He has already provided one. One that should help us pay a couple of bills and keep food on the table and gas in our truck for a little longer, anyway. I'm not going to lie: we're also hurting. I'm not going to go into details, but we're being hurt from several people that we trusted. And my husband is also upset because though we've been trying to follow God, we are getting no where. Fast. It's enough of an effort to keep food on the table, much less clothes on our backs.
I've been holding onto the verses in Luke 12 that speak of God clothing the lilies and feeding the sparrows. That He loves us so much more than they. That He will provide for our needs, that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Ephesians). Reminding myself that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and that His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah). That He owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalms), and maybe He'll sell one for us?
All that I ask is that you would pray for us. Just for a minute. I'll be updating how God is working as it happens (or at least shortly thereafter).
Let me be clear on a couple of things: I do not believe that God is punishing us or that if we just had more faith, He would move. I also do not believe that He will take care of us because all He wants to do is bless us. I do fully believe that He is testing us, trying us, and working in our lives through this hurt in order to bring glory to Himself and to prune us. If I see any comments that say otherwise, I reserve the right to delete them on the spot.
Sep 1, 2011
Five-Minute Friday: Rest
Linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama again today! I forget how much these short posts really do re-energize me until I do them. :)
Five minutes, without worrying about being perfect. Just creativity flowing. Ahh...
This week's topic is rest. How. Appropriate!
Go!
Rest. What is that, exactly? I honestly don't know. But I do know this.
Rest isn't when you're half-crazed, trying to round up the things you need for a third week away from home.
Rest isn't when you're once again in the van, listening to your baby cry because she wants to get out and play.
Rest isn't when your husband is frantically trying to find people who will sponsor the radio station he's managing.
Rest isn't when you're in a smoke-filled room for the third night in a row, wondering how on earth you'll ever get rid of that smell.
Rest isn't when you're left wondering why or how or when...it isn't when you're stressed beyond measure, trying to trust and have faith when everything is crashing around you. Again.
Rest?
Rest is reading scripture over and over again because, yes, Jeremiah gets it!
Rest is remembering that God loves, He hasn't forgotten, that He does all things for good.
Rest is the peace that steals in, unnoticed, amidst the chaos and stress, and lets husband and wife enjoy dancing when little one has gone to bed.
Has my life been restful lately? No. But He has led me to find rest anyway.
Stop!
Five minutes, without worrying about being perfect. Just creativity flowing. Ahh...
This week's topic is rest. How. Appropriate!
Go!
Rest. What is that, exactly? I honestly don't know. But I do know this.
Rest isn't when you're half-crazed, trying to round up the things you need for a third week away from home.
Rest isn't when you're once again in the van, listening to your baby cry because she wants to get out and play.
Rest isn't when your husband is frantically trying to find people who will sponsor the radio station he's managing.
Rest isn't when you're in a smoke-filled room for the third night in a row, wondering how on earth you'll ever get rid of that smell.
Rest isn't when you're left wondering why or how or when...it isn't when you're stressed beyond measure, trying to trust and have faith when everything is crashing around you. Again.
Rest?
Rest is reading scripture over and over again because, yes, Jeremiah gets it!
Rest is remembering that God loves, He hasn't forgotten, that He does all things for good.
Rest is the peace that steals in, unnoticed, amidst the chaos and stress, and lets husband and wife enjoy dancing when little one has gone to bed.
Has my life been restful lately? No. But He has led me to find rest anyway.
Stop!
 |
| The grace and the craziness never stop flowing! :) |
Aug 31, 2011
Plans and Pleas
Life is slightly crazy right now.
My husband and I are suddenly faced with no direction, no purpose, and no job. Our plans have failed, drastically. We believe that God is faithful, but I'm not going to lie: it's hard. Lamentations 3:21-24 hard.
Go read those verses. I'll wait here until you've finished reading them. Go!
I know that God has a plan, that He is faithful, and that He works all things to the good of them who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
But.
We're stressed beyond measure, hurting because of other things going on in life, and pouring out our hearts before Him right now.
That verse in Psalms about feeling like your bones are being crushed? Yeah...we're there.
So prayers would be appreciated. Very much appreciated.
Thank. You.
My husband and I are suddenly faced with no direction, no purpose, and no job. Our plans have failed, drastically. We believe that God is faithful, but I'm not going to lie: it's hard. Lamentations 3:21-24 hard.
Go read those verses. I'll wait here until you've finished reading them. Go!
I know that God has a plan, that He is faithful, and that He works all things to the good of them who love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
But.
We're stressed beyond measure, hurting because of other things going on in life, and pouring out our hearts before Him right now.
That verse in Psalms about feeling like your bones are being crushed? Yeah...we're there.
So prayers would be appreciated. Very much appreciated.
Thank. You.
Aug 6, 2011
Can a Woman Forget her Nursing Child?
In case you missed the memo, this past week was World Breastfeeding Week. I'm not going to go into all of the reasons why it's great or why I love it. Not even on factoid! (Seriously, I promise!) I did want to share this post that I wrote for my (ultra-time-consuming) other blog, Sisters 'N Cloth. (The one where I would readily post facts and reasons, if you're into those.) So without further ado, my post for this past week's Worship Wednesday.
"Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or lack compassion for the child of her womb?
Even if these forget,
yet I will not forget you."
or lack compassion for the child of her womb?
Even if these forget,
yet I will not forget you."
Isaiah 49:15
Because it happens to be World Breastfeeding Week, this verse seems fitting. But because of other events this week, it seems even more fitting.
Melissa introduced me almost two months ago to a little baby, born almost 8 weeks ago with Trisomy 18. This little boy, Tate, lived for over 7 weeks with this genetic disease, defying so many odds. When his mother went in to have her 6 week checkup, her doctor mentioned that it must be hard for her to make the visit. She was amazed to find out that, no, this checkup was not difficult because her boy was still alive. Yes, he is gone now. But Tate has touched countless lives with his and his mother's and father's testimony. They trusted in God to heal their boy, and He did heal him to the fullest when He brought Tate home with Him in Heaven. But not only did God heal Tate, He also allowed for him to be loved, cherished, and nurtured by his family for over 7 wonderful weeks. God is so good! Tate went home to Heaven on Saturday, carried by many prayers.
Another baby, Everett, never saw the light of day. His mother went for another checkup just after his due date in February and found that he had already died. She delivered him the next day and has carried him in her heart since. Her pregnancy had been completely normal, no complications whatsoever. Nothing at all even hinted that something could go wrong. But when it did, she and her husband fell in God's embrace, constantly reminding themselves of God's goodness, His mercy, and His love. It's been five months since they buried their son, and they are rejoicing today because, in God's great love, He has given them another baby. And while they are so cautious, they can still rest in Him, knowing that He loves them and that every day with this baby is a gift.
There are so many times in life when it feels like God has abandoned us. There are wars, famines, hurts, death, and it seems that God couldn't be in them. That He must not love us enough or He would do something about it. We may think, "Babies dying? Come on, God, how is that just? How is it right when their parents are faithful? You have a twisted sense of justice..." But the verse above? Remember what it says? Even if it were possible for these mothers who have lost their children, the children of their wombs, God would still not forget us!
 |
I pray that as you nurse your child this week, that you will remember the great love that God has for each one of us. As far-fetched as it may seem, He loves us more than the love you have for your child. Even as you nurse. And that, my friend, is pretty spectacular.
If you'd like to read more about Tate's story and learn how to pray for his family, you can visit his mother's blog here. To read Everett's story from the "start," you can visit his mother's blog here, or if you'd like to read her announcement post and rejoice with her, you can read it here.
Jul 22, 2011
Five Minute Fridays: Full
I haven't been here in a while. It feels kinda nice to write a bit about whatever I want. In case you missed it, I've been blogging at Sisters 'N Cloth, and in between that and these crazy days, I've neglected this blog more and more.
While I'd like to say that I won't be as neglectful in the future, I really don't know if that's true. I'll try, that's for certain. Because I miss the warmth here. The freedom here. And, honestly? It's nice to be home.
Anyway, on to this week's Five Minute Friday topic: Full.
Go!
Oh, my days are full. Full of errands and cleaning, full of running after Little Miss Quick. (Yes, that sounds like Bisquick.)
Mostly, though, it's full of anticipation. Of wondering how and when God is going to lead. These days of wandering, of wilderness, they have an ending. They have an end. They are ending now. And we are so full of joy, of hope, of amazement at the wonder God is doing!
Even Little Bit is getting more and more excited. It shows in how fast she moves from right in front of me to the coffee table...and then over to the ottoman. My hands? They're so full right now with her. But they're full of good things.
My heart, too, rejoices in its fullness. Sometimes it threatens to spill over, this incredible, wonderful joy! God's promises are yes and amen! He never leaves, never forsakes, never abandons! He stays with us, even when we feel He certainly has left us. And when we look up and realize that He has always been there? Full doesn't even begin to describe it!
Full, overflowing, spilling over, dripping onto the floor, making huge puddles of joy...that's where we are right now, friends. Full indeed. :)
Stop!
It seems as though I really should update y'all on what's going on around here. :) Soon, I promise.
While I'd like to say that I won't be as neglectful in the future, I really don't know if that's true. I'll try, that's for certain. Because I miss the warmth here. The freedom here. And, honestly? It's nice to be home.
Anyway, on to this week's Five Minute Friday topic: Full.
Go!
Oh, my days are full. Full of errands and cleaning, full of running after Little Miss Quick. (Yes, that sounds like Bisquick.)
Mostly, though, it's full of anticipation. Of wondering how and when God is going to lead. These days of wandering, of wilderness, they have an ending. They have an end. They are ending now. And we are so full of joy, of hope, of amazement at the wonder God is doing!
Even Little Bit is getting more and more excited. It shows in how fast she moves from right in front of me to the coffee table...and then over to the ottoman. My hands? They're so full right now with her. But they're full of good things.
My heart, too, rejoices in its fullness. Sometimes it threatens to spill over, this incredible, wonderful joy! God's promises are yes and amen! He never leaves, never forsakes, never abandons! He stays with us, even when we feel He certainly has left us. And when we look up and realize that He has always been there? Full doesn't even begin to describe it!
Full, overflowing, spilling over, dripping onto the floor, making huge puddles of joy...that's where we are right now, friends. Full indeed. :)
Stop!
It seems as though I really should update y'all on what's going on around here. :) Soon, I promise.
Jun 27, 2011
Multitudes on Mondays: Love Letters and Lists
I'm not sure when I wrote my first love letter to my husband. I know that I was already in high school and feeling like a failure at love. I had one boyfriend when I was in junior high. That "relationship" lasted for 7 days. And then I had a boyfriend for 6 days during my senior year. Woot.
While I had standards (which were pretty much limited to no sex), I definitely was open to the idea of dating. There was one major problem, though: my dad happened to be a pastor. Well, that and I was a good girl who never dreamed of what went on at parties. I wasn't exactly girlfriend material, at least not to red-blooded American teenage boys.
Sometime between my junior year of high school and my freshman year of college, something began to change. I started seeing just how ridiculous high school relationships were (at least most of the ones I saw first-hand). I also began realizing that I didn't just want any guy. I wanted the right guy. And so my love letters began.
Many times, they were written when my heart had been crushed. As the only one in a trio of girls without a boyfriend, lonely was an accurate description of my life then. Lonely and, well, forgotten. My friends didn't mean any harm by it, but it was so much easier for them and their boyfriends to double date or hang out...without me. I was the third wheel, and I knew it. So my letters are stained with tears in some places, tears because I knew that someone was missing in my life, and I mourned that he wasn't with me yet.
I also looked at what the Bible says about the characteristics of a godly man and a godly woman. I knew that I had a lot to learn about being a godly woman, and I began praying for my husband to be a godly man. Then one day, I made the list. Just a few things that I wanted to see in my husband: who love God first and me second, who is in a growing relationship with Christ, who makes me feel safe, who is a deep thinker and thinks for himself, who is committed to following God, who is attracted to my inner beauty, who can make my day better by being there, who can cook (!), who makes me laugh, who is somewhat of a romantic, who loves music, who appreciates my quirks, who is kind and not a liar, who can control his anger...
Can I just say that after re-reading these, I realize that I'm describing my husband to a T? (Yes, he even cooks!) These are the things that I wanted, and God blessed exceedingly abundantly beyond all that I could ask or think!
Soon, it was my last summer before college. That summer, I read a book that changed my perspective on dating and marriage completely: When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. While I don't agree completely with all that they said, one thing stuck out: they didn't kiss until their wedding day. The more that I thought about it, the more that I wanted that for myself and my future husband. What better way to celebrate our love, to show our commitment to each other, than to save that first kiss? Thankfully, I had not kissed anyone before that, and I truly believe that while I felt alone and unloved, God was protecting me from myself.
Why do I say that? Is kissing so wrong? No! Of course it isn't! And yet it is. It was for my husband and me because neither of us trusted ourselves with just a kiss. And my husband had, years before, made a vow that he wouldn't kiss a woman unless she were his bride. Technically, it didn't matter if I had kissed someone previously, but I'm glad that I hadn't simply because we were on an even playing field when it came to kissing and other physical contact.
Now, all of this happened before I met the man who would be my husband. To a young girl who graduated from a public high school in May 2006. To a young woman who met her future husband in August 2006. (It really is quite a story. Perhaps I should share sometime? There's even a last-minute breaking of the engagement and a reunion!)
And, for the record, my husband still takes those letters out at times and reads them.
Gifts from the heart:
Letters to my future husband
Letters to my baby girl (begun in high school)
Hopes and dreams and wishes written down
List of who he is marking Song of Solomon
Prayers upon prayers written down, marking days and times and seasons of life
Markings in my Bible: notes on when, where, how it applies
Underlinings, circles, and highlighters noting important Words of Life
Bulletins and random papers scattered throughout
Notebooks and pens, writing style that changes with years
Random lists written in between pages
Notes from classes, written and preserved
Notes and underlines in textbooks
Poems and stories, handwritten and typed up
Professors and teachers who made me write
Doodles and pen marks on days that bored me
Gel pens and colored Sharpie markers and coloring pencils and crayons
The simple joy of coloring a page
The permanence of a pen, ink that tattoos our lives...
While I had standards (which were pretty much limited to no sex), I definitely was open to the idea of dating. There was one major problem, though: my dad happened to be a pastor. Well, that and I was a good girl who never dreamed of what went on at parties. I wasn't exactly girlfriend material, at least not to red-blooded American teenage boys.
Sometime between my junior year of high school and my freshman year of college, something began to change. I started seeing just how ridiculous high school relationships were (at least most of the ones I saw first-hand). I also began realizing that I didn't just want any guy. I wanted the right guy. And so my love letters began.
Many times, they were written when my heart had been crushed. As the only one in a trio of girls without a boyfriend, lonely was an accurate description of my life then. Lonely and, well, forgotten. My friends didn't mean any harm by it, but it was so much easier for them and their boyfriends to double date or hang out...without me. I was the third wheel, and I knew it. So my letters are stained with tears in some places, tears because I knew that someone was missing in my life, and I mourned that he wasn't with me yet.
I also looked at what the Bible says about the characteristics of a godly man and a godly woman. I knew that I had a lot to learn about being a godly woman, and I began praying for my husband to be a godly man. Then one day, I made the list. Just a few things that I wanted to see in my husband: who love God first and me second, who is in a growing relationship with Christ, who makes me feel safe, who is a deep thinker and thinks for himself, who is committed to following God, who is attracted to my inner beauty, who can make my day better by being there, who can cook (!), who makes me laugh, who is somewhat of a romantic, who loves music, who appreciates my quirks, who is kind and not a liar, who can control his anger...
Can I just say that after re-reading these, I realize that I'm describing my husband to a T? (Yes, he even cooks!) These are the things that I wanted, and God blessed exceedingly abundantly beyond all that I could ask or think!
Soon, it was my last summer before college. That summer, I read a book that changed my perspective on dating and marriage completely: When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. While I don't agree completely with all that they said, one thing stuck out: they didn't kiss until their wedding day. The more that I thought about it, the more that I wanted that for myself and my future husband. What better way to celebrate our love, to show our commitment to each other, than to save that first kiss? Thankfully, I had not kissed anyone before that, and I truly believe that while I felt alone and unloved, God was protecting me from myself.
Why do I say that? Is kissing so wrong? No! Of course it isn't! And yet it is. It was for my husband and me because neither of us trusted ourselves with just a kiss. And my husband had, years before, made a vow that he wouldn't kiss a woman unless she were his bride. Technically, it didn't matter if I had kissed someone previously, but I'm glad that I hadn't simply because we were on an even playing field when it came to kissing and other physical contact.
Now, all of this happened before I met the man who would be my husband. To a young girl who graduated from a public high school in May 2006. To a young woman who met her future husband in August 2006. (It really is quite a story. Perhaps I should share sometime? There's even a last-minute breaking of the engagement and a reunion!)
And, for the record, my husband still takes those letters out at times and reads them.
Gifts from the heart:
Letters to my future husband
Letters to my baby girl (begun in high school)
Hopes and dreams and wishes written down
List of who he is marking Song of Solomon
Prayers upon prayers written down, marking days and times and seasons of life
Markings in my Bible: notes on when, where, how it applies
Underlinings, circles, and highlighters noting important Words of Life
Bulletins and random papers scattered throughout
Notebooks and pens, writing style that changes with years
Random lists written in between pages
Notes from classes, written and preserved
Notes and underlines in textbooks
Poems and stories, handwritten and typed up
Professors and teachers who made me write
Doodles and pen marks on days that bored me
Gel pens and colored Sharpie markers and coloring pencils and crayons
The simple joy of coloring a page
The permanence of a pen, ink that tattoos our lives...
Mar 18, 2011
Beside the Still Waters
I have a very long story that would explain why and how my daughter is such a miracle to me and my family, but I think I'll save it for another day. Suffice it to say that my pregnancy was very long and full of worry on my part. And that since she was born just over a month ago, I have been living each day between joy at every single minute and preparation for what I fear may happen.
Now, this isn't just the run-of-the-mill fear. Not just a minute or two of fretting. Nope. This special brand happens to include hours of freaking out over everything...like I did last night. Despite my sleep deprivation.
I already suspected that I have an anxiety disorder. After yesterday, with all of its deep-pitted fear, I'm fairly certain.
But what finally subdued my thoughts, what finally started to ebb away the gripping fear, was the most common verses known to man, except perhaps John 3:16.
I have overlooked Psalm 23 for ages, completely ignoring the meaning behind those verses, what gives them such power. Then again, I am a sheep, dumb and deaf to the words of the Shepherd.
And, honestly, it was only two verses that really caught my attention.
"He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."
He doesn't cause me to eat in green pastures, but to lie down. To rest. In my Bible, it explains that sheep are disturbed by any noises, any commotion (sort of like my daughter before she enters that deep, deep sleep). So for a sheep (a whole flock!) to lie down means that they feel totally, completely secure. That they have no cares or worries in the world. Not at all like I was last night.
Then, He leads me beside still waters. Again, my Bible points out that sheep are afraid of rushing waters. They can only rest beside the still waters. (Oddly enough, the memory of a bubbling brook helped me drift off to sleep last night.)
Still waters. Green pastures. Peace. As He restores my soul.
Oh, my soul needed restoring last night. My soul aches from carrying so much worry, so much stress. The dumb sheep strikes again. See, the sheep don't have to figure out their paths. No, the Shepherd "leads [them] in the paths of righteousness." And for almost a year now, my husband and I have been in the path of the Shepherd but we've been trying to figure out where this path is taking us. We've been trying to do things our way with our logic, when the Shepherd already knows our way. And He knows why He is taking us down this path: "for His name's sake."
His name's sake. His glory, His honor, His purpose. To righteous paths with righteous destinations so that He can be glorified. So that He can be honored.
Yes, caring for and nurturing my daughter did not bring this fear to me, but it did bring it to the surface. My ignorance, my similarity to the sheep.
I am dumb. I am easily spooked and frightened. But. God isn't finished with me. He is leading me in the paths of righteousness. And when I remember that I can trust in Him and not my own "logic," then I can truly rest beside the still waters and in the green pastures.
Now, this isn't just the run-of-the-mill fear. Not just a minute or two of fretting. Nope. This special brand happens to include hours of freaking out over everything...like I did last night. Despite my sleep deprivation.
I already suspected that I have an anxiety disorder. After yesterday, with all of its deep-pitted fear, I'm fairly certain.
But what finally subdued my thoughts, what finally started to ebb away the gripping fear, was the most common verses known to man, except perhaps John 3:16.
I have overlooked Psalm 23 for ages, completely ignoring the meaning behind those verses, what gives them such power. Then again, I am a sheep, dumb and deaf to the words of the Shepherd.
And, honestly, it was only two verses that really caught my attention.
"He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."
He doesn't cause me to eat in green pastures, but to lie down. To rest. In my Bible, it explains that sheep are disturbed by any noises, any commotion (sort of like my daughter before she enters that deep, deep sleep). So for a sheep (a whole flock!) to lie down means that they feel totally, completely secure. That they have no cares or worries in the world. Not at all like I was last night.
Then, He leads me beside still waters. Again, my Bible points out that sheep are afraid of rushing waters. They can only rest beside the still waters. (Oddly enough, the memory of a bubbling brook helped me drift off to sleep last night.)
Still waters. Green pastures. Peace. As He restores my soul.
Oh, my soul needed restoring last night. My soul aches from carrying so much worry, so much stress. The dumb sheep strikes again. See, the sheep don't have to figure out their paths. No, the Shepherd "leads [them] in the paths of righteousness." And for almost a year now, my husband and I have been in the path of the Shepherd but we've been trying to figure out where this path is taking us. We've been trying to do things our way with our logic, when the Shepherd already knows our way. And He knows why He is taking us down this path: "for His name's sake."
His name's sake. His glory, His honor, His purpose. To righteous paths with righteous destinations so that He can be glorified. So that He can be honored.
Yes, caring for and nurturing my daughter did not bring this fear to me, but it did bring it to the surface. My ignorance, my similarity to the sheep.
I am dumb. I am easily spooked and frightened. But. God isn't finished with me. He is leading me in the paths of righteousness. And when I remember that I can trust in Him and not my own "logic," then I can truly rest beside the still waters and in the green pastures.
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